Unsure insurance

Sketch me something unreal, I need to escape this painting. Shake this feeling Zach. Sink into the hospital bed, your bed, your coffin. Build it from scratch because scratch is all you possess. Surrender to me the true intentions of that indecisive heart. What is this? Panic grips the marrow of my musical bones. It deafens me, all of it. I see you as the ocean, my fascination, true beauty, and my greatest fear. You're smarter than this Zach. My past has an ever-changing face, and it's finally making an appearance... you weren't invited, you're never invited. Overwhelmed with numb emotions, could've sworn we pasted that tree before, this forest never ends. My anxious eyes and surgical hands are playing a beat I can't dance too.
Prioritize, I beg you.
The black book imbedded in that wonderful mind is out of order. Please don't make sense. His rants start commotions, he hates commotions, please, no commotions. Feast on my open palms, they can't close, I've tried for so long. Everything's futile, is this a set-up? A permanent play, the actors are tired, and they will never go home. Uneasy, winds manipulate my every move. I'm beginning to think, that isn't a good sign. Stop thinking, you're destroying yourself.
No, wait, it's not my warmth, notice, please.
What is he saying? Why am I speaking in third person? I'm referring to me, but I'm not myself, therefore Zach is me and I am not, except I am. Shame on me for my thoughts, but doctor just be right. I hear the engines roaring at the seem, the planes gliding out my chest, where are they going? Where am I going? Where isn't the question, I am. You restless fool, everything is your weakness, stop being so strong. Why does all that is good tare me apart limb from limb, accept it you stubborn prick. Pacing so fast accomplishing nothing but imaginary scenarios that all butcher my heart. I miss the butcher. You're sick, act like it.

The green pendulum etches spirals in your eyes and they always take me to another place, a place warm, right, mine. Give me something to own, I can't bare covert operations of affection. Stitched lips and a naive boy keep me company tonight. Why is this home so lonely? Put me behind another soul's eyes, I can't bare to look. Fear fulls me, and fear alone. Risk all, and die with failure. acknowledge the risk, it's my final breath, take that from me and I'll suffocate, for eternity. Put me back with those confused children, I clearly didn't learn enough. Nothing is wrong, dreams are coming true, comets are common, my ribs are soothed, and I've never been in so much pain. A cure none the less. Fight fire with fire. Fight death with death. Repair this filth, I'm sorry I can't, but you're a repairman, I strictly fix everything but me. I'm stuck in wonder, and the only book that will till me the ending burned, many, many years ago. What the fuck am I saying. Deprivation of every sense, make me keen to the impossible. I see it all, hear it all, I can taste the fallacies, smell your remorse. Choose, my patience received the same tragic news. Do I mean this? Shouldn't I know? Insignificant, always. You've much to teach me. My pallet is empty, too empty. Save me... again and again. I've never depended on anyone, not once. Let me try it. I promise I won't break anything, and I will replace anything I damage. You have my word.
My worthless word.

Red Light

You said you wanted
me to come over,
and even though it
was nearly midnight,
I agreed.
I hit every red light
between here and
your house. Start
stop wait and wait
and wait and start
just to stop and wait
again, stuck listening to
weight loss infomercials,
right wing talk radio,
that god awful jingle
for the lawyer that
tries to sound like
a wild west cowboy.
Idling under these red
cyclops eyes, I wanted
to tell you that I can't go on,
that I was tired and sick
and had to go home,
that I’d see you tomorrow,
maybe, but I finished the drive
and remembered why:
the sweet scent of your hair;
your lips against my neck,
saying,
“I’m glad you’re here.
I’m so glad you’re here.”

Ease Your Skin

Let me tell you a tale of no ordinary people. Vessels of the endurance they used up to the core. One with a flawless, fake smile, the other with a sadist heart. They organized the rocks at the bottom of everything. Arrogant eyes tore them to pieces and they wandered forever searching for what they were searching for. Encouraging the naive and bashful to the submission, they've all but given up hope. Hope existed only to give them meaning, well, that's what they thought. He found his meaning in the green swirls of the musical oblivion her beautiful face orchestrated to all of his senses. His fingers changed that day. His head no longer heavy, forced to gaze upon the blue he never thought he'd see again. She pushed herself into thinking the opposite of reality, but fortunately for them both, she failed. It still stings his ears, the sound of the words in succession to her expression, given only to him and his alone. He overflows with greed, and her skin is the currency of his obsession. She mirrors his soul with every breath she takes. The words pour, flooding each other to the brim with emotion, emotions never felt by anything living. Sickness flees in horror to her touch. Pain runs with haste intimidated by his stare. Completion of the heart, broken down in the chemistry of their misery is the formula to the utopia that can only exist with their proximity. Love constructed two successors on the number 3 only to taste it's own medicine. Chemicals thread fabricated birds allergic to flight but addicted to lucid visions of an isolated future for two. He is Her, and She, Him. Capital for they are names, being no other names exist. Fret never, and laugh with eternity, slow down your ambitions and hurry your hands. He was rewarded with a Home. The idea makes him cry. She cries to hesitant movement, but he reassures. He left me with a message for you and I quote "Years mean nothing, a promise is a promise, it's safe to trust. I can beat time, if your hand's in mine. You'll see me when you close your eyes. Until soon, hold on to everything I give. My breath is yours, I'll breathe for two. Namelessly take me. Say it, and I'll hand you the future, the only one you want, the only one you need." He'll wait forever he says. I believe him.

Eager Chest

Green symphonies stare at me in the face, it feels nice to be noticed, how do I think this is home? I don't mind, knowing nothing. Come on focus, I'm losing you, is it something I said, me? Where to begin... Perhaps I start with an ending. What ending? The ultimate liberation of life sounds perfect. Hah, "perfect" haven't heard that in awhile. End, me, I'm ready, I've been ready since 15. Why so easily accepted? I could die right now if it meant I would become your scarf. Don't respond, just shut up and sing. Dance into my chest, since you navigate me so well. Flee fingertips, you're on your own from here on out.
The Ferris wheel, a wonderful metaphor, flawlessly spinning until I kiss the hopeless clouds, but unfortunately there is only one rotation, and I'm on my way down. Hope, it's been awhile friend, I miss the clutter you overflowed my head with. You fool... stop doing what you do best and just listen, only listen. Disappointment always beats me in our routine starring contests. Yes that's it, shiver, pound the keys you pathetic lost soul. You must be hunger, nice to meet you. Gentlemen I believe we have enough of us to through a celebration. Grow... grow forever till I say the word, I forgot the word... That's unfortunate. Fortune, oh so foreign. How I treasure it all but the chest is empty.
Tonight we fall into oblivion, don't forget your coat, I hear it's cold this time of year. Really Doc? Just four? May I kill the messenger then? You again? Stop it. Stop loving me, I told you no. Keep your warmth, I don't want it. Memorize my back, you've had seven months. Failure. Harsh critics yell in strange dialects, like nothing I've ever heard before. That's a lie. Lie with me. Bite your tongue you eager artist. Poison break. I miss you mother, so much I cry. You'll never know, I'll die before these lips open. For the love of God cling, you idiot, you're dieing. Swollen bones, USDA approved, gather round. Steal my limbs, no wait, be my guest, where's my manners? Walk, walk away, run, sprint, soar. It's not yours, run far, run into the tubes that feed you minutes. It's time my love, December here I come. Disappear, vanish, boycott it all, ; that's your plan, your dream, your goal. Cast away these distractions that deceive your skin. You're shouting Zach, relax. You're seeing things, trust me, not like her, that trust will be the end of you. Even with a pen you're a fucking liar! Stop betraying me tongue. Your hard work? The time you spent building your endurance? Absolutely nothing when you lock eyes.  Well lock them away. Why am I happy? This all sounds so horrid and painful, yet I smile? Learn, just learn, it's all you can do right now. Don't forget to sleep, let them come, I don't need your hands, just that ticket and my heart. You're lying again... Idiot.

Frustrated Lust

Conversations with a loyal canine clears the dust clouds you stirred up from sprinting around my head. I smoke myself to sleep. He knows he has to stop thinking to hard, for it's taring him apart, starting with the most valuable of organs. Deep hollow breaths do nothing to slow the blood.

Stop asking stupid questions you idiot, how do you expect to continue bliss if you doubt its presence. Discriminating your feelings is stupid so perhaps, maybe, stop it? Ha you're a joke, at least she laughs at you. You foolishly speed to your new home up top the structure that guards the moment that your heart sunk in. Anxiety in these hands frustrates my dry lips. I love my voice, the one on paper though, so please shut the hell up. Eat my dream and mold me a new one. I have so much to say but this unnecessary fear has a firm grip on my shoulders.

Confusions of chapters disappear, for I fear I'm simply an anecdote; we'll see in one days time. The confirmation of possibility brings a hesitant smile to this tired face. I'm not creative tonight. Doc, my sense is on the fritz again, the usual? Thought so. Shut your eyes and don't stop trusting, for I am not a gamble, you can count on me to wait. Worse case scenario, I get that one night only. I'll be happy none the less... Empty, but happy. To be dearest is breaking my back. Don't heal me, just let me learn. I'll reassure you daily, just don't turn away. Don't end the heat, it's my new necessity.

Zach... Shut the fuck up. Kay.

Studying You

The drums are playing an interesting, but usual beat within this cage of bones, containing only one prisoner. Wheat and water make up the night, foreign to company when the lethal pen stalks its prey. Conversations with two mirrors make the drum beat hurt. God I miss those keys, so soothing, yet complicated, is there anyone else in love with black and white? She was listening to her eyes to focus but her efforts were futile. I've come to the conclusion that water flows within these veins, in the red sand's absence. If the drum beat keeps getting louder, who or what is playing them? I believe I am a moth, yes, it makes perfect sense, but residing in a feathered labyrinth of only butterflies. Humor flows, but is it another mask? Maybe, does it matter? I've decided the moon is actually an ocean, waiting to be explored, and I, Nobody, am the only one who can breathe underneath its surface. Time is my mortal enemy, and I will stop at nothing to end it. I'm swimming in numbers, equations of distrust and inner turmoil. The air I breathe is soil to the souls of flightless birds who strive to dream and dream to strive. This heart needs batteries because they're running low. Recharge me with your warmth or else I turn off for good. Robotic religions decide the fate of the "inferior" fools that have free minds and a voice to speak them, who have their hearts on their sleeves waiting to be crushed, but we have spares, so crush away. The pills swallow me until I dissolve into an unnatural cold forest of the chemically inclined. Vent to me darling, I love the way you fret; hypnotized by the glance you cast. Control me, I beg you. Confirmation go home. I'm sick with you, dictation flu.

On Motivation...

My motivation is gone; I don't find it in people. I'm a symbol of a yawn, my attempts have been feeble. I make up excuses inside my own head, and have short conversations with thoughts that are dead. Where is a reason for ideas to fly? My procrastination will be the reason I die...

So

Wake up! Take up! Lift off and swim into bed. Words are all presents, given to paper, so let's make it Christmas with all of this lead!

Make up! Shake up! Enter the jail of love. Hands thirst for affection, while brains hunger purpose, guess my minds anorexic when push comes to shove! Eureka, the day soon is mine, my motivations' still lacking, but my hearts' doing fine!

Calm down let's not be hasty, there's still a world of war. I do not have power, because I'm one person but imagine the strength of thousands or more... So stand up, chins up, salute not our country, but us...  Land doesn't fight, it's our minds that have might, now pick up your weapon and draw, paint or write. I need you, all of you, to breathe a little less foul. I'll feed you, all of you, my youth if you can show me how. 

Our reputations' diminished, our hopes' nearly finished. Climb up your ladders into the moon till all of you realize the end is too soon. I'm merely just rambling to your understanding, but listen just once in your lifetime.

We'll kill you, all of you, if you continue to pollute our love. So change now, and lives will be salvaged, confused? Then I'll show you how. 

If your motivation is gone, and you don't find it in people, you're a symbol of a yawn, and your attempts have been feeble. Just follow me, but I'm not the leader.

Your heart is stupid!

So keep feeding that meter.

It is here that you'll find your rest.

And your mind will beat within your chest.

You can disregard this...and throw a big fit...complain once to me, and you'll get a face full of shit.

Naïve

The sour taste in my mouth comforts me, but is not a distraction unfortunately. A night of good and evil weighs heavy on my lungs. Maybe I wasn’t meant to breathe tonight? Humorous how lovely a day can be and simply a few minutes of negative words can revoke the feelings of closeness. I met a girl named Misery; she fell in love with my heart, so she clung on to me for her dear, sweet, fragile life; she never let go. I encourage arguments yet harbor my own. Oh society, how cruelly you teach these innocent lovers, weeks of sweet nothings demolished by minutes of harsh lips. Forgive me anger for I have sinned, I allow these thieves to take from me all that I cherish. I signed away my power to stand. I feel weightless yet I’m far too heavy for these poor legs to bear. Our flowers all expire so remember mine please. My skin misses the hot blood your arms conceal. So fearful of those eyes, confidence assassins take from me the words to admit the salty water I spilt. Stained, everything, mocks me until the loudness of your memories eat my worry. Run from me, run for me, run me to the earth in which I murdered with hypocrisies’. I can’t eat you anymore, you’ve grown so cold, and my health couldn’t withstand the risk you pose when you stare like that.

            Four years scream in my expressionless face, they say things, and they talk about you. Strut those strings darlin’, how I yearn for that voluntary amnesia. Grey is just too bright for these eyes. I dare you to dream about it, howl to me, vomit that plastic until your eyes roll back. Define this, no not with your Bibles, with your love, grab that brush and paint for me a cloudy ocean of thoughts and arrogance. Its home, not you, not that place, but that feeling bestowed upon me by your mystery. Ah, that laughter melts my ears, why doesn’t it faze you? Don’t let me down, every one of these expectations exceeds you and you haven’t the slightest chance. Your proof is my challenge, so fight with pride to earn the direction of my thumb. Hold me smoke, you always listen, without that sting, I wouldn’t have learned from these never-ending failures. Goodnight walls, dream till you rot.