Unsure insurance

Sketch me something unreal, I need to escape this painting. Shake this feeling Zach. Sink into the hospital bed, your bed, your coffin. Build it from scratch because scratch is all you possess. Surrender to me the true intentions of that indecisive heart. What is this? Panic grips the marrow of my musical bones. It deafens me, all of it. I see you as the ocean, my fascination, true beauty, and my greatest fear. You're smarter than this Zach. My past has an ever-changing face, and it's finally making an appearance... you weren't invited, you're never invited. Overwhelmed with numb emotions, could've sworn we pasted that tree before, this forest never ends. My anxious eyes and surgical hands are playing a beat I can't dance too.
Prioritize, I beg you.
The black book imbedded in that wonderful mind is out of order. Please don't make sense. His rants start commotions, he hates commotions, please, no commotions. Feast on my open palms, they can't close, I've tried for so long. Everything's futile, is this a set-up? A permanent play, the actors are tired, and they will never go home. Uneasy, winds manipulate my every move. I'm beginning to think, that isn't a good sign. Stop thinking, you're destroying yourself.
No, wait, it's not my warmth, notice, please.
What is he saying? Why am I speaking in third person? I'm referring to me, but I'm not myself, therefore Zach is me and I am not, except I am. Shame on me for my thoughts, but doctor just be right. I hear the engines roaring at the seem, the planes gliding out my chest, where are they going? Where am I going? Where isn't the question, I am. You restless fool, everything is your weakness, stop being so strong. Why does all that is good tare me apart limb from limb, accept it you stubborn prick. Pacing so fast accomplishing nothing but imaginary scenarios that all butcher my heart. I miss the butcher. You're sick, act like it.

The green pendulum etches spirals in your eyes and they always take me to another place, a place warm, right, mine. Give me something to own, I can't bare covert operations of affection. Stitched lips and a naive boy keep me company tonight. Why is this home so lonely? Put me behind another soul's eyes, I can't bare to look. Fear fulls me, and fear alone. Risk all, and die with failure. acknowledge the risk, it's my final breath, take that from me and I'll suffocate, for eternity. Put me back with those confused children, I clearly didn't learn enough. Nothing is wrong, dreams are coming true, comets are common, my ribs are soothed, and I've never been in so much pain. A cure none the less. Fight fire with fire. Fight death with death. Repair this filth, I'm sorry I can't, but you're a repairman, I strictly fix everything but me. I'm stuck in wonder, and the only book that will till me the ending burned, many, many years ago. What the fuck am I saying. Deprivation of every sense, make me keen to the impossible. I see it all, hear it all, I can taste the fallacies, smell your remorse. Choose, my patience received the same tragic news. Do I mean this? Shouldn't I know? Insignificant, always. You've much to teach me. My pallet is empty, too empty. Save me... again and again. I've never depended on anyone, not once. Let me try it. I promise I won't break anything, and I will replace anything I damage. You have my word.
My worthless word.